Comments on: Do something about it, or…

By: Doc

Doc — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 15:31:44 +0000

Fair enough. I thought I was offering useful advice, but perhaps it didn’t come across that way, eh? Thanks, Yves.

By: YvesHanoulle

YvesHanoulle — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 15:04:26 +0000

isn’t your post the same as what Vern is doing?
Complaining about somebody else, instead of taking any action.

How can you change your interaction with the Vern’s of the world?

By: Dennis Stevens

Dennis Stevens — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 20:40:47 +0000

Do you remember the movie The Untouchables? There is a scene where Sean Connery asks Kevin Costner,

“What are you prepared to do about it?”.

I recently set this as my ring tone at a client. You can check this clip out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g0RLyxP13oj and use it in presentation to a team.

I agree with you that whining, unchecked, is destructive. As coaches and/or leaders, we have to get people (and ourselves) out of the mode of whining and out of the mode of living-with-it-as-a-primary-strategy.

Dennis Stevens

By: Doc

Doc — Wed, 26 May 2010 11:57:57 +0000

To be clear, I’m not advocating learning to live with it as a primary strategy. There’s a difference between taking action in the form of complaining to someone who can do something, and whining and complaining to your co-workers, family, and friends, most of whom are as impotent as you are.

I disagree that whiners give heart to others. People who take action to change things give heart to others. Whiners – those who gripe and complain to anyone who will listen – dishearten and discourage others.

In your example, of #10 whines to the other nine, nothing will change. If #10 whines to his/her spouse or friends, nothing will change. If #10 takes the issue to management/HR/leadership, then it’s not whining, it’s taking action.

So in the more general senses of “complain” I agree with you.

From Dictionary.com:

whine
/ʰwaɪn, waɪn/ Show Spelled [hwahyn, wahyn] Show IPA verb,whined, whin·ing, noun
–verb (used without object)
1. to utter a low, usually nasal, complaining cry or sound, as from uneasiness, discontent, peevishness, etc.: The puppies were whining from hunger.
2. to snivel or complain in a peevish, self-pitying way: He is always whining about his problems.

By: Jay

Jay — Wed, 26 May 2010 10:40:43 +0000

I agree with most of what you have to say, but one thing – when many people shut the f up and learn to live with it, it creates a culture of just accepting things the way they are. If you see something being done incorrectly, and its not you who is doing it, then complaining about it is actually a Good Thing. Whiners also influence change. They give heart to others who also disagree with the status quo.
An example, if you are in a company where 9 out of 10 people are incompetent (I know its doomed, but please read on), would it be right for the 10th person to not whine because he can’t change the other 9 people? Walking away is not always an option. I am sure the 10th person will try to walk away but while he’s there, he’s going to complain.

By: Dahlia

Dahlia — Tue, 25 May 2010 03:44:54 +0000

Word Doc! I’m also tired of hearing myself complaining, so am in the midst of *doing* something about it

By: Doc

Doc — Mon, 24 May 2010 14:30:47 +0000

Lovely reframing. Thanks. Right in line with taking ownership and responsibility as opposed to acting helpless or being a victim.

By: Andy Palmer

Andy Palmer — Mon, 24 May 2010 07:59:15 +0000

I have learned a couple of nice reframes that might help Vern.
First, when Vern says “I can’t do “, ask Vern to reframe it as “I won’t do ” to reflect the implied choice
Secondly, when Vern says “I must do “, ask Vern to reframe it as “I can do ”

And if all else fails, drop back to the follow-up

By: Terry Brown

Terry Brown — Mon, 24 May 2010 07:42:07 +0000

Very much agree with the sentiments here – as software developers, we are very much in control of our own destiny.

I’m always surprised at how many career developers spend so little time in an attempt to better themselves or their own situations, yet they’re happy to sit and moan when they don’t understand something or their situation isn’t perfect.

Well said.

By: TheProgrammer (Hernan Garcia)

TheProgrammer (Hernan Garcia) — Sun, 23 May 2010 22:52:58 +0000

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