First, let me extend a warm welcome to our new subscribers. I'm very happy to have you along for the ride.

For my old friends, let me point out that I'm changing the format again, if only slightly. Beginning with this issue, I will be adding a focus on the theme of Coming Out of the Tunnel, addressing the idea of using life's challenges to grow and prosper. There are a couple of stories on my web site from my forthcoming book that are in this topic.

I've also changed the service I'm using for distribution. Please don't be confused. But the one I'm using now provides a better overall system for subscription/unsubscription, opt-in/opt-out, and management tools.

And, with that, let's get to it!

N is for Nuance

nuance 1. A subtle or slight degree of difference, as in meaning, feeling, or tone; a gradation. 2. Expression or appreciation of subtle shades of meaning, feeling, or tone: a rich artistic performance, full of nuance. Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Communication is one of the keys to successful leadership. We all know that we are expected to communicate effectively to our bosses, our peers, and our teammates. And we work hard at it - at least, we think we do. But we all too readily fall into the Traps of Context and Nuance. The Trap of Context occurs when we communicate using "familiar" and "common" terms that we understand within our own context. What we forget is that our listeners may not have the same context at all. Think about common terms that we use, just within the United States, that might have different meanings. I get this from my children all the time. "It's all good, Dad." When offered in response to a question, does that mean "yes", "no", or "it doesn't matter to me"? As the recipient of the communication, I care!

The Trap of Nuance occurs when we think we're being clear and straightforward, and it turns out that our listener hears something other than what we think we mean. Take something as simple as the word "yes." Let's assume that one of your team asks a question, like "did you want this widget to be green?"

Responding "yes" with a rising inflection at the end makes it seem as though you're not sure, leaving your questioner also unsure.

Responding with a flat, uninflected tone conveys directness and confidence.

Responding with a short, hard tone conveys disapproval or hostility.

Imagine - with just three simple variations in tone and inflection, we can convey three different messages using only a single word. Imagine how easily you can miscommunicate with a whole sentence!

The point? It's far easier to miscommunicate than to communicate clearly. So maybe when our parents told us to think before we speak, they knew what they were talking about!

The best liars first deceive themselves, and in our desire not to seem like the only ones who can't catch on to how relationships work, we have all become consummate liars.

from A Book for Couples
by Hugh and Gayle Prather